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Divorce Schemes & Power Games
Divorce can be a dirty business when in the hands of lawyers who play power games to gain an unfair advantage over the other side. The same applies for angry, vindictive soon-to-be ex-spouses who have a “win at all costs” attitude. If this happens in your divorce, there are few things that you can do to control the other side, but there are several things you can do to prepare and manage the divorce.
The first thing to do is recognize a scheme and power play when you see it. The second thing is to not lose your cool and try to fight fire with fire. It will only cause things to escalate and your entire family will suffer. The final step is to think ahead and plan positive steps to counter your spouse’s power game. Get outside help if necessary.
The following list has descriptions and examples of some of those nasty tricks lawyers and their clients will sometimes pull. If your lawyer recommends that you do this, he or she is setting you up to take unfair advantage of your soon-to-be ex-spouse. If you do these things, don’t be surprised if your actions come back to haunt you after the divorce!
- Take the money out of jointly held bank accounts, put it all into an account in your name alone and don’t tell your spouse about it beforehand. Then let your spouse handle the problems associated with covering the bounced checks. This causes the most confusion and distress if your spouse usually writes the checks to pay the household bills.
- Use credit cards to purchase and stock up on personal items or make large purchases. Make sure to use the cards for which your spouse is the primary cardholder. This is especially effective at the beginning or near the end of a divorce. One lawyer actually told her client to go out the day before the settlement hearing and use her husband’s credit cards to purchase all the items she needed to set up her new household. Her husband would then be stuck with the bills because he had agreed to be responsible for the debt on his credit card as of the day of the divorce, which he didn’t know contained the charges made by his wife.
- If you have moved out of the family home and are the primary source of income for the family, refuse to pay any household bills or send any support until you are forced to do it by the court. This is one of the steps in a routine called “Starve Out The Other Spouse”. The goal is to get the other spouse in a financial position where he or she, out of desperation, will accept an unfair settlement.
- If your spouse doesn’t have an income withholding order, wait until the latest possible day to pay support money, even if you’ve got the money to send. In some states support doesn’t become delinquent until it’s 30 days past due and your spouse can’t do anything to you until the 31st day. Never mind that your spouse just might need the money to pay bills or buy things for the children.
- Petition the court for primary custody of your children when you will actually agree to a joint custody or visitation arrangement. The real purpose for the request is to strike fear into the heart of your spouse and use it as a club to get your spouse to give up on something else, usually a financial issue.
- Refuse to speak with your spouse about anything, including arrangements for him or her to have parenting time with your children. This falls into the category of a tactic used by some lawyers to create conflict, create issues that don’t need to exist, increase legal fees and wear the other side down. It can also cause a serious break in parent-child ties if the noncustodial parent doesn’t get to see the children because he or she can’t set up any parenting time.
- File a bogus petition to have your spouse excluded from the family home under your state’s protection from abuse laws.
These are just a few of the sneaky things that can and have happened in divorces. They are sometimes successful, but are very destructive to any meaningful and fair settlement discussions. In addition, the residual hard-feelings and bitterness they can leave after the divorce could hamper you and your ex-spouse’s ability to effectively co-parent your children. What’s more, they often lead to post-divorce legal proceedings costing additional and unnecessary legal fees which most recently divorced people can ill afford.
Getting a divorce is really just a risk/reward type of thing for some people. Is the risk and potential loss if you get caught by your dirty tricks worth any potential benefit, financial or otherwise, that you might get if you win the game? Think about it? Are you really the winner — or are the lawyers the real winners?
Disclaimer
The author and publisher of this article have done their best to give you useful and accurate information. This article does not replace the advice you should get from a lawyer, accountant or other professional if the content of the article involves an issue you are facing. Divorce laws vary from state-to-state and change from time-to-time. In addition, it is a very fact-specific area of the law, meaning that the particular facts of your marriage and divorce, as well as other external factors may determine how the law is applied in your situation. Always consult with a qualified professional before making any decisions about the issues described in this article. Thank you.
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Guy’s, be VERY careful before trying any of the tricks above, or just trying to outsmart the system in general. Lawyers and judges have seen every one of these tricks before, and are a lot more experienced in this than you. Speak to a lawyer, and any friends who got divorced, and be guided by their experiences. From experience, I can say that anger and frustration can lead you to make rash decisions, and hurting her might seem like a higher priority than making a better deal for yourself. But the feeling of revenge fades pretty quickly, and ultimately dissolving a marriage is a business deal, albeit one packed with conflicting emotions. Even if you didn’t want the divorce, you owe it to yourself to make the best deal possible for yourself. If you were buying or selling a business or piece of property, you wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) let emotions impact your decisions. It might take all the self-discipline you can muster, but treat this the same. Pride tastes like $#!+ when you have to swallow it, but it goes away soon enough. Make the best deal for YOU, remember, living well is the best revenge.
If you’re going to try to use some of these tactics, try to see the split coming way off, and see if you can start moving assets legally. Put things in the name of other family members or trusted friends. (Make sure their marriages are stable first…lol). Or start a corporation with family members, and put assets in there if you can. Not always that easy, but a little forethought may really save you the bucks later.
Seems to me the best way to do things is either a pre-nup, or just put all your assets into some corporation or family trust before you ever get married. Keep your wifes name off everything after your married, if possible. But let’s face it, none of us ever have that much foresight when we’re young. Hopefully young people are reading this site too, and learning from the experience of the people who have lived it.
Screw it. Find a rich chick. Marry a woman with more money than you, or with a higher income. IF it doesn’t work, let her pay you. Let them experience how the other half lives, they’ll be screaming for changes in the system in no time.
Ah, divorce power games. Think thats a course they teach at law school? Seems like half the scheming that goes on in divorce cases are actually instigated by the lawyers, who lick their chops over this stuff. The bigger mess it is, the more billable hours it will take to clean it up.
Men, if you’re even thinking that your marriage is in trouble, start thinking clearly right away. Drop all the emotional baggage, and figure out what you have to do to preserve your assets. If you can legally and safely transfer some of them to a trusted family member, do it. Some things are tough to hide, like homes, pension plans, and the like. But other things can be fairly easily given away or “sold”. Got a boat? “Sell” it to your brother in law. You can still take it out on the weekends, but get it out of your name. Stocks or other investments? Start selling them off quietly, then “spend” the proceeds on seemingly legit things. In reality, have a trusted family member or friend set up another trading account, and re-invest. Once the dust clears, you can still access these assets, but it won’t be part of any settlement. Lawyers won’t tell you this, plus, by the time you start talking to them, it’s too late. Do it now if you’re fighting or having trouble at home. Just make sure that trusted friend or family member doesn’t have troubles of his or her own, otherwise you defeat the purpose, and you still lose control of your assets. Just be very, very careful when you do all of this, don’t have it blow up in your face.
Some good ideas here, but you guys should get a lawyer to post on here and give the real scoop. It’s interesting and entertaining to read peoples ideas, but this isn’t a topic for amateurs. You don’t approach this type of important business by taking advice off the internet…at least not unless it’s actually coming from an attorney writing it. That said, I like the ideas posted above….if they work. Pretty creative thinking. Definitely protect those assets, once you lose them they are tough to get back. Don’t lose them to some bitter old hen who thinks she’s entitled to every thing you ever worked for, and even if she’s not entitled to it will try to take it from you just for spite. Good luck, guys.
I’ve heard of success stories where men manage to place assets in safe structures, where they cannot be touched in a divorce. If all else fails, put it in cash and hide it somewhere. How do the mob guys manage to drive brand new cars and wear $2000 suits, but have no assets to their name. Let’s face it, most of those guys are NOT geniuses. If they can do it, a normal, middle class American male can certainly do it.
The tactics in the above article are rather harsh and would in all likelihood result in more problems and ill feelings than anything gained particularly if children are involved. In my divorce everything was put out on the table and split accordingly. Could I have played some games, sure, but to what effect on the children. I hope down the road the kids will understand.
Jerry, your comments might be reasonable after the damage is done, i.e. if you already are heading towards divorce and you’ ve been married for a while, the assets are held jointly, etc….but I think some of this advice is relevant for some of the younger guys who may be reading this and not married yet. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If you’re young enough, but still have the potential to accumulate some assets, you really should look into the possibility of placing them somewhere, like in a corporate vehicle owned jointly with TRUSTED family or friends. Even though they really belong to you, keep up the appearance of not having strict control or legal possession of them. If you get married and things go well, you can still quietly draw from these assets and improve your standard of living for you and the wife/kids, but if things go bad, she can’t get her grubby mitts on them. You can still provide generously for your kids, but on YOUR terms…in other words, the power stays in your hands. The children still have all their needs met, education provided for, etc…but the biotch doesn’t get to live large on your dime. Not applicable for everyone, and if you don’t have assets, it doesn’t matter. But if you’re young, and you are able through investments or a good income to accumulate some wealth before marriage, think long and hard and get some serious advice before taking the plunge. If you’ve been burned once, don’t EVER enter into another marriage without taking these steps. Good luck.